Oh those autumn days
Those sunstarved windswept loveless days
I spent in cursed scorned malaise
In dry grey eyes with sorrow’s glaze

Those lonely, weary dreary days
I spent submerged in liquor haze
And lost myself in love’s great maze

And knew such pain that cut in ways
would never heal in all my days

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if you died

No, not to spend one day apart
Would drive a knife into my heart
And tho’ the cut would make no sound
Would bleed I love you on the ground

And find inside they would not fail
Your name engraved and writ in braille
In every tissue, every sinew
Every fibre, bone and breath I ever drew to win you

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In visions you haunted me
And I tried to wash your scent from my skin
But it dripped from every pore
And I ached for you

And with every waking moment
Of desperation and desire
I purged myself
In the black depths of darkness

And I heard your voice in echoes
And in the silence
Of dreamless sleep,
And in the emptiness I got no rest

And in the pits of despair
I plunged the depths of my soul
And forgot myself
In your shadow

Ah the ecstasy of ignorance
Of the days before I knew you
And you had stolen into
Every part of my being

When the light of the morning
Was no foul omen
Of the sorrow and pain
Of another day without you

And the face of the moon
Was no ghastly wraith
In the empty night
That you left

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In morning sun and butterfly
On wind and shining sea
In rows of lambent orchid
Who craned their necks to see
The beauty of my gracious love
A rose in brightest bloom.
As pure as Noah’s whitest dove
A spark amidst the gloom

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I traced your outline on a bird’s wing
And morning blossom.
You rose and fell like a wave
A symphony in the stratosphere

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I watched the embers twist and flutter, falling to the floor
and wisps of smoke did curl and whisper underneath the door.
The window creaked and bowed and told a tale of heavy gale,
I sat enchanted by the shadows flicked into the faintly pale
imperfect light of candles filtered through some holy veil.

I juddered, groaned and muttered feeling flustered in the heat
which licked and lapped and fluttered round and grilled me in my seat.
The scratching rapping tapping of some branch upon the door
did rouse me from my slumber bring my feet back to the floor.

The tender saintly fragrance of another filled the air,
though delicate and faint it wafted quietly down the stair.
It tantalised my senses and I upped and turned my head.
What rattle of the branch at door and perfume from my bed?

I drifted cross the stony ground to bottom of the stair,
where mouth agasp I lost my breath for what I saw up there.
A flitting fleeting glimpse of ghostly maiden oh so fair,
‘fore round the corner floated swiftly maiden’s flowing hair.

Shocked I rolled and rocked and fell aback upon my heel,
I was not one to look to God but I cried for him with zeal.
And with that creaking of the window branches rapping at the door,
could that gentle tapping heard above be footsteps on the floor?

And that saintly scent grew stronger could I no longer ignore
its swirling swimming subtleties and fragrances so pure.
That sickly sweet aroma did infuse me ever deeper,
did drag me to the stair though they loomed over, never steeper.

With every step I took now I was feeling ever fainter,
my face now drained of blood was as pale and white as paper.
I peered into the mirror that stood halfway up the stair
and thought who is this man so alabaster standing there?

With final drop of strength I hauled my weight onto the landing
and caught sight of maiden’s spectral figure over standing.
That fair fine looking sultry ghostly figure there was standing.
Who looked at me with love and beauty patient understanding,
adorned in robe as white as pearl on corner of the landing.

And as I gasped and flapped and flopped and floundered on the floor
and branches kept their rapping and their tapping at the door,
my pale and saintly maiden did divorce me as before,
dissolving in the perfumed ether, leaving me in awe.

And as that holy light had faded, plunging into gloom
my weary acheing shaking body silent as a tomb,
And not the sound of wind or rain or banging at the door,
just stale and smoky room now dimly lit by coming dawn.

But soon the sun did percolate through the splinters in the walls;
Euphoric wave of radiance and beauty of the morn.
The light began to surge and pulse and fill the empty halls
and with this lustrous luminance I began to feel reborn.

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The Woods

The grey light hung low in the trees,
bare as bar code, and the leaves
shuddered, icy in the breeze.
The air sat heavy in the lung,
with a chill i could not overcome
and words dissolved on my tongue.
My feet splashed in the frozen stream.
My mind, now still, began to dream;
I saw the wood through hazy sheen.
Though i tried, no words I spoke,
my breath a cloud as thick as smoke
condensed amid the poison oak.
Now, desperate for this hell to cease
and undeserved to say the least,
I stood like stone and asked for peace.
The cold kiss of the water soothed me,
the current strong, but did not move me,
it drank me in I fell to one knee.
I drifted into shallow sleep
and the wall of pine rose over steep,
said “You are not the one to keep
this peace you hold within your grasp,
your fragile human mind too crass
to understand this lifelessness
I see behind your eyes today”
I sighed and brushed the mist away.
Said “Tree you know not how I feel,
your ancient boughs and mind reveal
a stubbornness and want to steal
my mind and grind me down to husk”
I closed my eyes and prayed for dusk.
The darkness fell and soon the musk
of mouldy brush and rotten leaves
were carried floating on the breeze.
I cursed the spirit of the trees.
I let myself be led aside
and soon with legs in fullest stride
swiftly drifted on wind’s cold tide.
The creaking limbs of pine retracted
and by the bitter cold distracted
let me by without reacting.
I thanked them with a solemn nod
and ‘cross their coiled roots I trod.
My heavy boots disturbed no mud;
No stone; No rock; No bark; No leaf;
No insect hiding underneath.
And once again deeply regretted
entering this dank and fetid
evil place. And like fish netted
gasped for breath and did not know
the light of life would dim its glow
to crush me harshly under toe.
So I pressed on into the darkness,
made no sound, no word, no bark lest
I rouse the one who keeps me here,
though I feel too numb to still know fear,
though it clung to me for year on year.
Now I float through the wood a spectre,
a formless void devoid of vector
searching endlessly for nectar;
Nothing found and never sated
it seems I am so cruelly fated
to walk this forest ever more,
til I am but dust upon the floor

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